the academy goes full batman

Ready. For. Anything.

The head of The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Science has said the group will be ready for anything out of the ordinary at this year’s Oscars ceremony. The prep work comes a year after Will Smith slapped Chris Rock on stage in response to Rock’s performance in Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back comments about Jada Pinkett Smith.

Putting aside the fact that you can’t be “prepared for anything we can’t anticipate” since you can only prepare for the things you *can* and *have* anticipated, that we’re still talking about this incident seems like the most clear indication we’re living in the dumbest timeline.

But it does have me wondering what kind of scenarios the producers of the broadcast might be preparing for with their crisis intervention team. Here’s an incomplete list:

  • Austin Butler is still using his Elvis accent and needs to be muzzled like Tom Hardy in The Dark Knight Rises
  • Pauly Shore rushes the stage and starts trying to weeze the juice with Brendan Fraser

Of course those are just the potential incidents that occur to me. But the idea that AMPAS has a team of professionals ready to descend on the stage to break up a fist fight between Colin Farrell and Judd Hirsch when one tries to steal the other’s Milk Duds like the S.W.A.T. team raiding the Griswold’s house at the end of Christmas Vacation is just incredibly amusing.

It’s also more than a little depressing. At this point everyone in Hollywood has been asked for their opinions on the slap incident, all parties involved have addressed it ad nauseum and yet this is what the trade group has decided is the most important thing to focus on and prepare for like they’re a grade school principal monitoring the playground during recess.


Author: Chris Thilk

Chris Thilk is a freelance writer and content strategist with over 15 years of experience in online strategy and content marketing. He lives in the Chicago suburbs.

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